With lighthearted nature, let’s talk about how proper home security measures could have be taken to help stop the reign of terror of such horror movie icons as Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers and Freddie Krueger.
Let’s blast in to the past.
Friday the 13th1980, Camp Crystal Lake: The first thing these wild camp counselors needed was adult supervision, but that’s no fun in horror movie land so let’s put ourselves in the shoes of the teenagers from “Friday the 13th” as their trapped in a cabin and think: Home Security.
We’re 19 years old, trapped in a cabin and a humongous psychopath with a machete and a hockey mask is standing right outside our door. We know he’s there, he’s already obliterated two of our friends and the only thing standing between him and us is a lock on the door. Our adrenaline is through the roof, our death is impending so we start playing the “What I should have done differently” game.
Home Security Lesson Learned: I should’ve bought a Guard Dog (not an actual dog). I doubt Jason Voorhees has ever used a door handle in his life, so a Guard Dog has to come in handy here. It is a second layer of lock protection that holds a door firmly closed from the inside, even when a door handle is broken. Please Note: Our experts have never tested the Guard Dog on Jason Voorhees- because that’s impossible- but we are confident it will keep out most burglars and at bare minimum scare the living daylights out of them with its motion sensitive siren- sold here at Home Security Store.
Haddonfield, Illinois, Halloween 1978. We’re looking at the world through the eyes of Laurie Strode: an innocent, conservative high school student who volunteered her October 31st to babysit a family friend’s son. A masked man has been quietly following her all day, but she suspects no harm.
Haddonfield was a quiet town. For a “Cat in a Tree” call, it’s almost guaranteed that the entire police force and fire department would show up at the drop of a dime. Now, Laurie was protected inside her home, the doors were locked and even though he was tagged as “The Boogeyman,” Michael Myers was still human, not to mention a sloth in his movement.
Home Security Lesson Learned: GET AN ALARM SYSTEM LAURIE! Loud noises scare all people- even the Boogeyman. Almost guaranteed a police officer would’ve been there within 5 minute of it being triggered. Tell me you can’t find a hiding place in your home and evade terror from a slow thinking and tortoise-like crazy man for 5 minutes! Instead- this girl has lived sequel after sequel in fear and despair.. For Over 30 years Now (Rumors of another sequel in 2015)!! And all she needed was an alarm system and possibly some glass break detectors.
Springwood, Ohio, 1984. This is without a doubt the hardest horror movie situation to prepare for, because the characters in “Nightmare On Elm Street” aren’t playing on their home turf. Although they are playing the game of mortality in their own dreams, they are in Freddie’s World- and he has complete control. So let’s fast forward to the end of the film.
Nancy has discovered a secret- You can pull things out of the dream world, including Freddie himself, so her battle is on 2 fronts: Survive the dream world and be prepared for when you pull him back to the real world.
Survive the Dream World Security Lesson: Nancy should’ve mentally prepared herself for self-defense, and all she had to do was read our blog here on HomeSecurityStore.com. She should’ve read it 5 times for all 5 of Freddie’s finger blades. All she had to do was survive a few minutes!
Real World Home Security Lesson: If you remember the film, Nancy was almost killed in the dream world because she didn’t wake up when her alarm goes off. Lesson- Get an ear-piercing alarm system. Then, when she does drag Freddie back to the real world- Mace Pepper Gun, followed by non-stop karate chops to the face. Also use self-defense lessons.
This was a parody and I hope you enjoyed it, but just in case you get a call this Friday night from a raspy-voiced man on the other end asking “What’s your favorite scary movie?” – Now you know what home security measures you have to take to stay safe.